Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Shadows of the Past

DAY 98

I am going to tell you a secret..

Ever since I was little I have been experiencing acute panic attacks. They occur in bed at night, when I am led on my back. These attacks force me to sit straight upright, and leave me fighting for breath. I have spent most of this lifetime feeling embarrassed and ashamed about this .. but there is something else .. I think these attacks may not be from this life.

I booked a past life regression with Sarah, in an attempt to help me face the fear head-on, release, heal and move forward.

This is what happened in the session …

100, 99, 98, 97, 96... Walking down stairs

I am in a corridor filled with doors.

I open the first door..

The walls are made of stone. I am a dressed in a black cassock. My feet are bare, cut and bleeding. I am running scared, being pursued someone or something. I can feel pain in my lower back and sense that I have been stabbed.

Sarah encouraged me to call on the angels to help protect and strengthen me. She also reminded me that I have the power to change this situation.

I am back in the corridor filled with doors

I open the second door..

The room is pitch black except for a tiny slither of light. I am lying on my back, unable to breathe. The ground beneath me is cool and smells of damp earth. Something is coming down on me like a ceiling. I am imprisoned in a wooden box.

Sarah guided me to rise above the box like an eagle. She encouraged me to walk down a stairway, picking up gifts of strength and courage. Finally, I re-enter the box and use these gifts to push through to the other side.

I am back in the corridor

I open the third door…

I am standing in a room with a wooden table and chair. I am here to see a person - a female. She is wearing a hooded cloak. She has pale skin and green eyes. I am here to say goodbye. It’s too dangerous for me to stay. Tree roots bind me to this person. I cut them away with a small knife.

I am back in the corridor with the doors.

Dad appears in front of me, he places his hand on my chest. I can feel a warm golden light spreading through my body. He leaves through a door at the end of the corridor. I follow him into the golden light. Family and friends greet me, and remind me that it is safe to let go.

I am back in the corridor. There are no doors left.

1,2,3,4,5,6... Walking up stairs

When the regression was over Sarah sensed that there may be a connection between the girl in the room and the wooden box. She described it as a jealous situation. I was becoming successful, building and creating something, and this girl couldn’t handle it, and made a hardened decision to to put a stop to it. Sarah could see a pouch of money, and as the girl leaves the room she nods at another man - I was tortured and buried alive!

This may sound strange, but I get a strong feeling that I know the people who did this to me - they are in this life.

This is the time for faith.


  1. Nige,

    I think you are incredibly brave to share not only your secret but also your regression experience. This is a beautifully written post and I love the images you've used to accompany your words. I wonder what will unfold next?

    One thing is for sure - you are living each one of these 104 days in the spirit of fullness, embracing life in a way that spills out over the edges of your life and encourages me to do the same in my own.

    Thank you.
    Love, love, love

  2. Wow, I just got a chance to sit and read this today! It totally freaked me out!:) I love that you are going this deep. So brave. I am so curious what insight you get as you deepen into this. Funny, I have green eyes and pale skin:) Feel only love and support for you though, buddy. So, yes, faith. I also cleave to the Course in moments like this for me, as the illusion is the illusion, even if it is the illusion within the illusion. But I remember that the Holy Spirit can use any part of the illusion for awakening. Keep us posted and thank you for sharing this deep journey. I think it is so brave and inspiring, because things like this are what I tend to hide, and I have to ask myself why. Well, if you knew my ex:):):) I've had crazy dreams of him stabbing the hell out of me, and then he turns into my mother, as if to show me that they are the same. I can love them both. Maybe send love to the green-eyed one?:)