I awoke with a huge black rainy Ego cloud hanging over my head.
You DON'T have what it takes to act truthfully. You’re a FAKE and a PHONEY. Might be better to pull out of the show before you make a complete IDIOT of yourself. Elloa could step in for you and play Bowe for the rest of the run afterall she knows all the lines...
I was paralysed with fear.
Fortunately, Guards(wo)man Elloa- mighty companion and ex doppleganger agreed to witness my process.
Words of anger, attack and blame tumbled from my mouth quickly falling away to reveal an overwhelming sadness. Growing up, I often compared myself to Dad. He was my first experience of God, and I wanted to emulate him. But no matter how much I tried, I always fell just short of the mark. I started to cry for the wounded boy. Ell encouraged me to lift my head and make eye contact. There is something remarkably humbling about letting another human being witness our grief and sorrow. It enables us to experience something exquisite; the recognition of the truth in ourselves and others as we truly are.
An ancient hate is passing from this world. And with it goes all hatred and fear. Look back no longer, for what lies ahead is all you ever wanted in your heart. ACIM
In preparation for tonights performance I warmed up slowly to gentle music; this helped draw my attention to any tension areas in the body. Then I sat quietly and spent a few minutes breathing deeply and relaxing the muscles . Relaxation is an important prelude to concentration and when combined with affective sense memory points to a truthful, realistic performance.
Slowly but surely, Nige disappeared and the wounded soldier emerged.; a fragile flower. I held him close to me and reassured him that everything was going to be okay.
What followed was a heartfelt performance filled with deep emotion, light and shade.The audience became Bowes witness, as he muddled his way through what occured at Chalk Pit Wood on the day he went 'Over the top'. There was an awkward silence in the theatre, as the audience hung onto to Bowes every word. Men and women started to weep, as they came to understand and know his despair as there own, and for a brief moment, separate interests fell away, and they became one. Maybe, this quiet moment of remembrance from the audience, may just have done enough to help set Bowe free.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, its never too late