DAY 6
As death approaches I sense a hard, knot in my belly as the ego tries desperately hard to convince me to abandon this ridiculous test and get back to familiarity. Mr Ego has advised me to keep busy to help numb out any feelings of pain. Everything from overeating to training to studying. It promises heaven and yet in it's relentless quest to protect itself condemns me to hell.
I went for a quiet walk in the woods and sat on my favourite wooden bench overlooking the pond; a silent place to say goodbye to all I have been in this life; teacher of God, workshop facilitator, writer, personal trainer, bodybuilder, counsellor, actor, singer, meditator, photographer, tea maker, fiance, son, brother, uncle and friend.
A silent place to grieve the simple things; like holding hands with Ell, drinking green tea, listening to birdsong, riding the bike, preparing for a part in a play, meditating in the space between the bed and the door, walking in nature, driving Winston down a winding road, blogging, downloading a favourite album, singing in the shower, weight training, and eating melted cheese on rye toast topped with spring onions.
In 6 days time all this will be erased in a single sigh.
My name-GONE.
My face-GONE.
My reputation-GONE;
and I will float free in my original spaciousness.
Nige,
ReplyDeleteThis is a really beautiful post. The words are so delicate, yet they contain so much depth. All that you have been in this life, all that you are, captured in just a few short paragraphs.
The thing is: you are SO much more than all of this, too. Who you really are cannot be measured, nor quantified. It can only be experienced, and it is through the ways you live your life - like blogging, teaching and being the best pal I've ever known - that you open the door to people and invite them in to come and experience you.
And in doing that, they see a reflection of who they really are, too.
Who you are will never be erased, even long after you've left the body behind.
I am getting closer to being ready to let you go now.
Love you xxx
I'm really getting what this is about more and more. It is consciously choosing in every moment to let go of our identity, so that we can be reborn in peace and stillness. It is merging with each present moment and letting the light in. And so dying to our old identity, we think we are lost, but we are FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nige.
Oh, dear Nige--you will never ever be gone.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you took that quiet walk.
Such a gift you've been
& will always be.